Never making a move ever and hoping he guesses that you like him.
1. Giggling nonstop like a clown on nitrous. I know, I know, men love it when you laugh at their jokes but here's the thing — if his jokes aren't funny, you're encouraging him to make more horrible jokes, and also eventually, if you laugh hard enough for too long, you slowly begin to look insane. So there's that.
2. Getting drunk to the point where you can't control your limbs. Because I can "hang!" I can "drink 10 shots of whiskey!" I'm "cool." I'm ... oh
shit, I just fell off this bar stool and now I'm bleeding.
3. Looking so interested in what he's saying that your eyes bug out like an alien. Is it seductive when I look at you like a dog who is suffering from slight mania due to being underfed for years? If so, I could do this all night.
4. Assuming that just being really nice to someone will let him know you're into him. I like to call this move the "I am flirting with you so heavily that you hardly even know I'm flirting" and my friends like to call it the "What is wrong with you? He has no idea you like him. You are bad at this."
5. Telling him about all the other people who are into you. I do this, you guys. I do it and it's so stupid. Basically, you're trying to let the guy know, "A lot of people are into me, but I don't like them, I like you! You are so lucky! Did you know you are lucky?" but instead it almost always comes off like, "Other people are into me and I am probably into them too. You and I are just friends, Bryce."
6. Being mean to him in a way that you're pretty sure is flirty. One time I teased a guy who was insecure about his height in a way that I figured would be like, "Haha, you are insecure about this but it doesn't bother me because I am hella into you" but the second I said it, I realized, "Nope, that just sounded mean." Skip this one.
7. Pretending you like a band he likes. What often starts as one tiny lie of "I love them" usually escalates into you also having to pretend to know a song of theirs and that weird crossover album they did in 1998 with Matchbox 20 and at that point you just want to say, "I lied! I don't know this band!" but it's too late and now you have to go buy 15 potentially shitty albums just to prove you weren't lying.
8. Acting like you're not really into him. Acting like you're too cool to like him could result in him wanting you more, that's true, but do you really want to be with someone who only likes you when you don't like him? No. If you're into him, just act like you're into him.
9. Not answering all his questions because you want to seem mysterious. I am totally incapable of doing this because I'm an open book by nature, but I know a lot of women definitely do it. It's not the worst mistake you could make, but you're definitely missing out on an opportunity to show a guy who you really are and get closer through that, which seems like something you'd want to do.
10. Lie to seem cooler/better/nicer. Lying is exhausting. You have to keep track of all of the people you lied to and what you told them, and I just do not have the energy for it, especially with dating. Plus, this is another one of those things where if you lie, he's getting to know someone completely different than who you really are, so you can never really, truly connect. Why risk that?
11. Stalking his social media accounts like a bounty hunter. There is a fine line between liking all his Facebook posts and liking his Facebook posts, replying to every tweet he sends, and tuning into every Periscope video and commenting like a crazed fan. Know this line and try not to cross it because chilllll.
12. Only flirting on social media because you think chronic retweeting communicates romantic interest. I mean, I like to pretend that it does when people do it to me, but also I know it doesn't, so I wouldn't recommend it. (Again, I'm still personally going to pretend it does.)
13. Winking. Right off the bat, let me just say I am horrible at winking. Like, hilariously bad at it. But even if you're good at winking, too much of it will make you look like you're about to lose your contact lens or you have a neurological disorder that might worry him. Just stick with eye contact and see how that goes.
14. Casually running into him on purpose and acting like it was fate. I've thankfully never done this, but I can see why someone would. When we like someone, it's easy to get carried away, and this is one of the things some women will do when they are starting to kind of lose perspective of their crush. I know it's tempting because you want to see him but this is grade-A nutjob shit. Please just stay home and watch Netflix, OK?
15. Never making anything resembling a move ever and praying he secretly knows you like him. Actually, this one works every time.
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